


Letters to Ren

by Hekaerge-Athenias (Athenias)



Series: Places We Never Meant To Be [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, But it's ok I promise they don't die on screen, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Letters, Minor The Director | Lucretia/Lup, Relationship Discussions, Starblaster As Family, Unfortunately the Major Character Death is not Kravitz this time, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25141147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athenias/pseuds/Hekaerge-Athenias
Summary: Lucretia and Ren fall in love and stay in love.And yet Lucretia still writes to her.[If you feel particularly daring this can work as a standalone, but most of what is mentioned requires knowledge from'Are you There, Istus? It's me, Taako']
Relationships: The Director | Lucretia/Ren
Series: Places We Never Meant To Be [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718587
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Letters to Ren

_Dear Ren,_

_I should preface this letter by saying that, as I write this, Taako is mocking me. He believes that it’s unbecoming of me and my skills in networking to reduce myself to pen and ink. I know that he is only jealous Kravitz hadn’t written him sonnets by now. Though, by the way I saw him staring, I like to imagine he simply hasn’t had the words to describe how he felt._

_That’s how I feel, sometimes. Like the words have escaped me, for better or for worse, and I struggle to find them again. You help, in the sense that it is refreshing to know someone who I did not go to the same high school as or met during the worst time of my life. It is as if I had spent my entire life trudging through the fog, only for you to reach through and haul me to clearer skies._

_Taako is now reminding me that I have a shift at the library. You’d think for someone who got fired, he would care less about the work ethic of others. I’ll be swinging by the Lamp to drop this letter off, though, I suppose if you’re reading this you already know that. No matter._

_What are your opinions on Thai?_

_Sincerely,_

_Lucretia_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_It’s not every day you get to see your adoptive fathers get arrested for disrupting the peace on what should have been your first date in the past decade. I know I said it then but words can’t express how sorry I am about them. They’re incorrigible._

_Though I suppose my apologies fall upon deaf ears, considering how hard you laughed at the sight. Your face simply lit up— the way your eyes crinkled and sparkles beneath the afternoon sun and the dimples in your cheeks deepened as you laughed, which in of itself reminded me of bells._

_I hope I may see (and hear) it again?_

_Yours truly,_

_Lucretia_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_He’s back. I know you least of all would want to hear this, these words I must pour out upon my paper before it is gone forever, left to suffer in the chasm of my chest, but I can trust no other. Kravitz ~~is back from the dead~~ has finally returned, and he acts as if nothing had happened. Like ~~his death shouldn't have mattered~~ he can pretend that these weeks have not set Taako back years of ~~therapy~~ progress as an individual like I have not held you as you cried for your friend every night. There’s a haunted look in Julia’s eyes every time I catch her thinking of him, and I wish desperately he had never ~~met~~ put this upon you all. _

  
  
  


_Lup forced me to talk to him._

_I just wish the gods would stop making us suffer for the sake of destiny._

_Yours truly,_

_Lucretia_

**_[The letter is punctuated by tears that fade and smear parts of the words written.]_ **

**...✉...**

_Dear Ren,_

_If there’s anything I’ve learned in my time knowing you, it’s that you express yourself through food. It must be an elf thing, considering the twins tend to do the same, though they are extravagant in their dishes and you bring nothing but comfort. I like to think that it’s your way of giving people a sense of family regardless of whether or not they have one to speak of._

_That being said, please never try to bake a cake again. I love you and the thought that went into it, gods know I do, but that was the saltiest thing I’ve eaten in my life. Next year we’ll buy one and eat in, okay?_

_Love, Lucretia_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_You’ll be the death of me. Who in their right mind asks their partner to move in with them and runs off before they can respond??? Especially when said partner was leaving on an extremely crucial assignment??? That’s an asshole move unbecoming of you._

_If the offer still stands and you haven’t chickened out, the answer is yes. But not before I punch you in the face._

_Yours,_

_Lucretia_

_(P.S. You’re the worst.)_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_Do you remember when you told me about Eilistraee? I met her, today. We didn’t speak much, and what we did speak of will remain between us, but I had stared at the stars and thought, just for a moment, of you. Not the you that I am so intimately acquainted with, naturally, but the you of your past._

_What was it like, I wondered, when you first saw the stars? The moon? Were you breathless, stunned by the sheer number of them as they twinkled in the night, or did you celebrate? Did you laugh until you could no longer stand and lay there in the grass, a smile upon your lips?_

_For me, I knew the night sky from the moment of my birth. I had become accustomed to it. The first time I truly came to appreciate the beauty of the stars was when I was on my first mission after the Judges fell, trekking through the forest with only Lup and Taako as my company. Though it still embarrasses me to admit it, when we had reached a clearing and moonlight struck Lup’s face, I had my breath seized from my lungs. To ignore my useless little crush I had turned my head skyward and saw the stars with renewed eyes. These eyes had seen the worst the planes had to offer and lived, had youth taken and restored by the tyranny and hope of others._

_I had cried, then._

_Love,_

_Lucretia_

**.** **..✉...**

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_I don’t care that Taako is some hotshot professor at Neverwinter Arcane College, he needs to stop threatening Angus every time he masters a complicated spell. The poor kid can’t even tell he’s not joking half the times._

_At least Lup is usually there to hit him for us._

_Also, I’m going to head to Lucas’ lab today. It’s been some time since I’ve seen him and I need to make sure he’s not dead and hasn’t committed another grave crime against the universe, as per the ominous writing left in our bathroom mirror that refused to unfog this morning. Please don’t burn anything down in the name of anarchy while I’m gone._

_Love you,_

_Lucretia_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_You talk in your sleep, some nights. I tell you that you don’t when you ask in the hope that when sleep eludes me I can lie awake and hear your nonsensical speech. I always thought it to be weird, that an elf who couldn’t dream talks in their sleep, but Barry says Lup does the same and supposedly Kravitz snores even though he doesn’t have to breathe. Lup explained it as a sort of deep meditation, and that everything you speak of is your thoughts._

_So consider this my official apology and acceptance of your proposal, Ren of last night._

_Love, Lucretia_

**...✉...**

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_Lup and Barry’s child is unfairly adorable. She’s only three, and already I know she’s going to be a hell-raiser when she’s older. Mostly because they keep letting Merle and Taako babysit. Partly because I know that any child raised with these many supporting figures wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. Rainier is chewing on the bones of Kravitz’s skeleton as we speak. It’s just a tad horrifying, but she seems to be having fun._

_We should have a kid. Yes? No?_

_Does Angus count as mine?? No one clarified other than Magnus and Julia being the only ones able to actually sign the paper. He sure as hell isn’t Taako's._

_See you soon,_

_Lucretia_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_Have I mentioned ~~lately~~ that I hate the Underdark? Because I hate the Underdark. I have had five swords thrown at me since my arrival, one person tried to steal my earrings out of my ears, and a sea serpent had the AUDACITY to rise out from the water and try and kill me! _

_I got what I was sent here for, though, so that’s something I suppose. How are things at home? Is June handling classes well? I know she’s been struggling. Tell her that the Library is always open to her. I might not work there anymore, but my replacement hasn’t reported the missing key. And also the security cameras are fake. Yet another factor that still leaves me mystified as to how Taako managed to get himself caught._

_See you soon,_

_Lucretia_

**_[this letter is stained with blood. According to Barry, it is human.]_ **

**...✉...**

_Dear Ren,_

_Got called into work. Apparently, someone deleted half of tomorrow’s articles and didn’t back them up, so it’s up to me to fix it. I’ll be gone for most of the day. Call if you need anything at all._

_Yours,_

_Lucretia_

**...✉...**

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_I took Angus, Rainier, and June out for the day. Lup told me Kravitz’s been having a rough go recently— said you’d know better than I would. Taako hasn’t returned from class, yet, so he probably doesn’t even know. Let me know if I need to bring his favorite wine and I will._

_We’ll be at the Goldcliff Museum of Space if you need anything._

_Yours,_

_Lucretia_

**...✉...**

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_It’s been some time since I’ve mailed you a letter, but you need to hear this._

_Kravitz showed up at our house today. The bond engine had been going haywire, so I was trying to fix it. I don’t know why I was so ~~anxious~~ worked up by it until I realized— the last time it did this was ~~when Istus had changed Kravitz’s bonds~~ right before he died. _

_He tells me Barry died in his sleep. A heart attack. Peaceful as it can get, and the Raven Queen says it should only take her a day or so to stabilize him. Kravitz has to go help, something about orienting him with something familiar. The damage done to their house, though…_

_I need you._

_Come home, please._

_Lucretia_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_When Davenport asked me if I wanted to go on a trip with him, I was expecting a road trip, or a trip to the beach, something relaxing._

_What I was not expecting was a fucking ~~plane~~ jet. That he bought. With the money Artemis sent him as a pension. Love, If I ever stepped foot on one of his vehicles again it would be too soon. I’m nearly sick out of my mind at the thought of my skull pulsing at high speeds. Not to mention the fact that Hurley and Sloane got him another arcane core, so I have had to fear for my life on more than one occasion. _

_Thankfully he’s found a good place to park for the night. The sun sets as I write this, Davenport retelling me some tale of heroics from his time in the military. I’ve heard it before, of course, but it always makes him happy. So I’ll let him repeat himself into the end of times if I must._

_We’re on a mountain, overlooking the wide breadth of forest that had been abandoned for centuries. I can see the Judges where they lay broken and defeated from here, little flecks of white and hands outstretched amongst a sea of green._

~~_I still remember_ ~~

~~_I used to_ ~~ _dread_

_I sincerely hope the birds have shit on them._

_And I hope that one day, I may stand upon this mountain and find them reclaimed by the earth._

_Love,_

_Lucretia_

...✉...

_Dear Ren,_

_You are the only one who may understand this, but how jarring is it to hear people mention my family in the past tense for you? I am working on my next article, as I am known to do, and Delilah, that lovely woman who had been on maternity leave? She just stopped by and sent her condolences. Told me how Barry’s teachings would go down in history and that she only wishes he had more time. And then she gave me some baked goods in a Tupperware, told me to give them to his widow._

_They taste like shit. I can’t give that to Lup! She’d eat them and compliment them but we’d all know she’d agree! And Taako would outright insult the only person in this industry that still has an intact sense of empathy!_

_Do people still ask after Kravitz? I know that old lady can’t shut up about him every time I’m at the Davey Lamp, but surely she isn’t the only one._

_My head already spins in preparation for when Merle or Taako “dies”._

_Yours,_

_Lucretia_

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_I got a promotion…_

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_Angus keeps aging and I just…_

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_I love you._

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_Happy 25th Anniversary…_

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_...Can’t believe June’s all grown up…_

  
  


_Dear Ren,_

_Got injured at work, nothing major…_

**...✉...**   
  


_Dear Ren,_

_Magnus is cold in his grave for less than ten years and Taako’s gone, too. Merle was the one to call it in, said that there was no way he could’ve survived a blast on that scale. Kravitz is in shock. I’m comforting him as best as I can, but from his mutterings, neither he nor the Raven Queen saw it coming. Istus didn’t plan this. Just some freak accident that could've never happened at all if he hadn't decided to be a nosey little bastard._

_Someone has to tell Angus and his family._

_I can’t bring myself to do it. What’s the point, if Taako’s just going to show up later? Why put him through mourning for another temporary death?_

_Lucretia_

  
**...✉...**

_Dear Ren,_

_Merle left us in his sleep._

_Davenport’s pretty shaken up. Lup and I are going to try and distract him. I’ll be back in a couple of days._

_Yours,_

_Lucretia_

  
**...✉...**

_Dear Ren,_

_Consider this your formal invitation on my next trip. I could use a break, and from what you’ve told me so can you. Actually, you could use a permanent break. Maybe retirement? You’re old enough, you know._

_I’ll make sure to show you the best view of the sky in all of Faerun. Even if you can’t really see it. I’ve been told I give quite apt descriptions._

_Yours,_

_Lucretia_

  
  
  
**...✉...**   
  
  


_Dear Lucretia,_

_You don’t know this yet, but I’m going to have to leave you. Or maybe you do, and this entire letter doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in the grand scope of things. I’m going to have to leave you when the rest of the world thought you’d leave me first, and I like to think that I’ve prepared you for it from the moment I said my wedding vows._

_But I haven’t. We both know it, and we ran from it until we found a dead end. And I can’t, in good conscience, leave you to think about how better it could be if I were there._

_So here’s the meat of it: I wouldn’t be happy living forever. It worked for Taako and it worked for Lup, but they’re selfish, selfish folk. I can’t watch the world move on and forget me in the same way they’ll forget Kravitz and Johann, or already have. I can’t work for ~~the Raven Queen~~ ~~Istus~~ the powers that be without my family, without the rest of Refuge that I’ll have outlived. June has a family, and they’ve already accepted you, but her family is not mine in the sense that matters. _

_Now, here’s what you need to know. It isn’t your fault, that I will leave you, and I want you to know that your grief will not follow you to infinity. One day you will wake up, and you will find the sun high in the sky, and you’re going to appreciate books and the way that sunsets paint the world golden and you’ll be able to laugh at Kravitz’s work accent again. Loss is just as temporary as I am._

_You’re going to be lonely, sugar, but you ain’t going to be_ alone _. My heart will be with you, and the rest of our family will help you learn to love again._

_**[This letter was left on the top of a stack, the only addressed to Lucretia. She had found it a week after Ren's death.]** _

**Author's Note:**

> I like to call this section "Nias is gay and coping from TLOU2 by writing her favorite lesbians" (on that note my Amnesty fic is going great). But for real, I've been struggling with this AU lately, especially since I've come to the, uh, horrifying conclusion that I am better with my words with WLW couples? I still intend on working on this AU when I can, but it's getting unbearable to stay motivated. So chances are you shouldn't be expecting many frequent updates for the prequel fic. I just couldn't leave this alone for an undetermined amount of time without giving you a fic that reveals who Kravitz suggested Istus make an emissary, especially since I had a whole convoluted concept of what each of the three Emissaries of Fate represent.


End file.
